I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel sexy. Honestly, I think it’s just about the sex for him. It’s all about him. I don’t even know what an orgasm feels like… I’ve heard every one of these statements more times than you would believe. There is an epidemic of failed sexual relationships. Don’t tell me that sex doesn’t matter. It does. Sex is part of the life partner triad. Physical, intellectual, emotional. One doesn’t have to be socially beautiful, or smart, or emotionally stable. But one’s partner must see these qualities in them to be interested. Here are some ways you can increase your lover’s libido.
I’m going to throw in a little disclaimer here. If you are in an alternative relationship this advice goes for you too. I use pronouns because, well I’m not very practiced at using terms that are non gender related. I tried and it was very hard to follow and sounded more like a text book and not like my voice. This advice goes both ways, for your husband who is feeling down or your wife who needs love. Or maybe for your partner who prefers to not identify with a gender.
The most common problem I hear about is lack of interest. There are drugs that help increase the libido in both men and women. Before you try that, dig deeper into the reason you’re not interested and you’ll be happier for it. We tends to rely on a few things to get aroused: Self-esteem, energy, and desire are the more prominent motivators. Often when one of these is lacking the libido will drop. Guys pay attention here because your partner needs your help to keep it up.
Usually, when a woman doesn’t feel pretty or sexy she doesn’t want to have sex. She questions the motives of her lover. “He’d fuck anything that walks” She might think “It’s not me, he just wants to get off.” Don’t be mad at her. This isn’t her fault, We are bombarded with how we should look, act, speak, think, behave. The standard is set so impossible high that we will always fall short. Constant failure at something so prominent in our lives. It is a very depressing if not degrading experience. Our self-esteem won’t always be low, but when it is we need your help. Don’t come at us like a piece of meat, be honest and loving. Look at the reasons you fell in love with her and show her those reasons. Help her build her self-worth and she will respond.
Exercising three times a week is not only good for your healthy but also your love life. Exercising will increase your energy and therefore give you more energy to have sex. Don’t exercise just to lose weight or get that plump bum. Those goals take loads of time to see. You will start to have more energy in a rather short time of exercising. Exercising also releases endorphins that make you feel good, and feeling good is an integral part of sex. I always get a little pep in my step after a hard run. Encourage your partner to exercise for health, not for looks. Exercise with her/him. Do what you can to make it fun. Go hiking in the woods; hiking is also a great way to talk. Bicycling is a great aerobic exercise. Go to a yoga class with her. Showing you are interested in what she’s interested in will build self-esteem, encourage, and strengthen your partners emotional connection with you.
Sleep!!! Damnit people sleep is super important. Sleep is so low on some people’s priority list that is doesn’t even make the cut when people talk about priorities. Help her get some sleep. Put the phones away. Have a bedtime routine. Reassure her that her worries can wait until tomorrow. Go to bed at a reasonable time. Most adults should try for seven hours of sleep. Be supportive in making good sleep choices.
No one can make another person happy, but they sure can lend a hand. When we live in a positive environment we are likely to live positively. Sex will be more frequent when your partner is happy. Putting on the moves when your partner is not in the mood or feeling less than attractive can be counterproductive. You can help bring back the spark. Remember if she thinks she’s beautiful and lovable she wants to share that with you.